"Come on, Say You're Sorry!"
Okay...I have this secret... You all think I am perfect, since I am "Marriage and Family Therapist" and all...
Here it is.... I really don't like apologizing. There, I said it.
It took me a long time to realize this about myself. Actually, I think it comes down to a deeper issue: I don't like to be in the wrong. I really enjoy being right. I have a lot of common sense, I trust my instincts, and I am fairly intelligent. So, a lot of the time, I am right. But, I sure do make some mistakes, especially in my marriage. You see, my husband is the greatest, and I am so comfortable around him, and I let things slide that I don't do around others...and I mess up sometimes.
Now, I have seen a fair amount of couples with this problem, too. So, here is my really wise advice:
JUST SAY YOU'RE SORRY!
My husband taught me a really cool thing that I say to a lot of my couples. If you have done anything wrong, even if you are 1% in the wrong, go ahead and apologize. My husband pulls this fast one on me, and man, do I feel guilty (the good kind of guilt when you have done something wrong). When he admits the small stuff that he did, and I realize that I hadn't apologized for my wrong, I want to show him that I love him, too, and that I am sorry for what I did. It is amazing how humility and care can melt a prideful heart!
I really believe that if people got really good at apologizing and forgiving one another, this world would be a different place!
So, just get over yourself for a minute and tell the one you love that you are sorry! (And no, I am not sorry for telling you to get over yourself).
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There are too many areas in life where doing the right thing and being right are not always the same thing. You're right...it is amazing how quickly reconciliation happens when humility is exercised.
ReplyDeleteThe real challenge: How can we convince the other person they need to be more humble first? haha
Gary Chapman just released a book in 2006 titled "The Five Languages of Apology." I highly recommend it.
ReplyDeleteJust like his premise in the Love Languages book, he says you can sincerely apologize in your apology language but if it is not the apology language of the person you are speaking to, they might not accept it.
His list of 5 apology languages are:
1. Expressing regret - "I am sorry."
2. Accepting responsibility - "I was wrong."
3. Making restitution - What can I do to make it right?"
4. Genuinely repenting - "I'll try not to do that again."
5. Requesting forgiveness - "Will you please forgive me?"