Healing Through Pain

I have recently been going through some physical therapy that involves breaking up 11 years of scar tissue that is a result of a terrible car accident in which my husband and I were hit by a semi. When the accident occurred, of course I had a few injuries, a ton of pain, stitches, and some ugly scars. But, even though the trauma was difficult, we were so thankful to be alive! I did my best to recover, take care of myself, go to doctors and chiropractic appointments. I made it a priority for several months to get back my strength and go on with the life that I was pursuing. But over the years, I have had been in pain, and now discovered that I have scar tissue that is causing this pain.

So, now I am in a therapy that is attempting to break up the scar tissue. I have always thought I can take a lot of pain, but WOW, it really hurts. I look forward to each appointment, hoping that I will feel better, even though I wonder if the process will kill me! I am at the place where the pain is so great that I would do anything to make it better!

I have been thinking about this process that I am in, and I thought of you, many of whom are or have been my clients. Some of you have been deeply wounded by your spouse, your mother, father, sister, daughter, son, etc. In my line of work, I really see that there are so many people that are hurting, usually from the result of someone else's actions. You probably initially went through a process of healing, only to discover that there is some residual scar tissue that needs to be broken up. Some of you avoid dealing with it because it is painful!

Are you in so much pain that you would do anything to heal from it?

Have you avoided dealing with it because of the pain?

I urge you to keep going on the journey to healing. Sometimes you have to go through pain and difficult emotions to reach the place of healing!

Keep going! It's worth it!

Come on, Just Say You're Sorry!

"Come on, Say You're Sorry!"


Okay...I have this secret... You all think I am perfect, since I am "Marriage and Family Therapist" and all...

Here it is.... I really don't like apologizing. There, I said it.

It took me a long time to realize this about myself. Actually, I think it comes down to a deeper issue: I don't like to be in the wrong. I really enjoy being right. I have a lot of common sense, I trust my instincts, and I am fairly intelligent. So, a lot of the time, I am right. But, I sure do make some mistakes, especially in my marriage. You see, my husband is the greatest, and I am so comfortable around him, and I let things slide that I don't do around others...and I mess up sometimes.

Now, I have seen a fair amount of couples with this problem, too. So, here is my really wise advice:

JUST SAY YOU'RE SORRY!

My husband taught me a really cool thing that I say to a lot of my couples. If you have done anything wrong, even if you are 1% in the wrong, go ahead and apologize. My husband pulls this fast one on me, and man, do I feel guilty (the good kind of guilt when you have done something wrong). When he admits the small stuff that he did, and I realize that I hadn't apologized for my wrong, I want to show him that I love him, too, and that I am sorry for what I did. It is amazing how humility and care can melt a prideful heart!

I really believe that if people got really good at apologizing and forgiving one another, this world would be a different place!

So, just get over yourself for a minute and tell the one you love that you are sorry! (And no, I am not sorry for telling you to get over yourself).